Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Chapter 10 part 3

Word count: 616
Total: 20,227
There's still more of this chapter on the way.

There were no more entertaining incidents while Skip and Imp waited for the contest to begin. The locker room was disturbing, as one might imagine a locker room full of retards would be, but there was no more excitement. While they were waiting Skip decided to talk to one of the "trainers."

"So, how do you really train these people?" Skip asked as the man was walking away from a pep talk with his athlete.

"Well there are two schools of thought, when it comes to training a tard for competitive eating." The man must have thought Skip was a reporter. "The first school says to use psychological trickery to make them think they like eating cow brains, to make them think it's some kind of treat. Then there's the second school of though, which is the method I prefer, and that is to starve the tard for about 36 hours before the contest."

"You don't let them eat?" Skip asked.

"Well, you give them sugar water, and vitamins, and maybe a slice of bread or two, but that's about it." The man replied.

"Why 36 hours? Why not longer?" Skip asked.

"Well, if you starve them too long, then their stomach starts to shrink. When the contest comes, they'll eat one cow brain and be full. You might be able to use a cattle prod or a whip or something to coax them into eating a second or maybe even a third, but you'll never get them to stuff down enough to win." The man seemed as though he had explained his techniques many times in the past.

A man carrying a clipboard and wearing a black polo shirt with the word "Staff" in yellow letters on the back interrupted the conversation to announce that the contest was about to begin. Skip was then herded out of the locker room with all the other mental degenerates. They were led out to a stage in the middle of the stadium.

Skip was surprised to see the stadium was full of people. It looked more like the Super Bowl than the Glutton Bowl, let alone the "special needs" Glutton Bowl. The fans cheered as each contestant was introduced.

The introductions were all very similar, "And now, hailing from Portland Oregon, weighing in at 325 pounds, The Down Syndrome Destroyer, The Tard Terror, Daaaaaaaniel Muckhouuuuuuuser!" Skip was introduced as "Skip, Stupid Moron, Harding." He was not amused.

The contestants were each given a seat in front of a large bowl full of raw cow brains, at a long row of tables. Skip looked at his bowl with a sour look on his face.

"I'm hungry, but I'm not eating this." He turned to Imp.

I'm stuck an electric cattle prod in his side and gave him a shock. "Don't talk back tard."

"What the fuck?" Skip protested.

Imp shocked him again. "This is great. I should find a real retard and do this for a living."

"You're sick, you know that?" Skip said, turning back to his dish.

A count down started, and the contest was underway. Skip took a reluctant bite out of his first cow brain, and was surprised.

"This tastes like pizza!" Skip exclaimed. "It's cow brain, and it's got the texture of cow brain, but it tastes like pizza! And damn good pizza at that!"

"What, did you think I came here to lose to a bunch of retards?" Imp said. "Now shut up and eat."

Now that they tasted like scrumptious round pizzas it was easy to forget that he was eating cow brains. His ravenous hunger came back to the forefront of his thought, and he dug into the brains with fervor.


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1:46 PM  

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