Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Chapter 2 continued

Word Count: 1137
Total: 3614
Ok, so I'm a little behind. I'll make it up on the weekend, honest.


Since he couldn't think of anything better to do, Skip completed his journey to work. Like a mindless drone he parked, entered the building, got on the elevator and pressed the button for the 14th floor. The dreaded customer service department, the front line of defense against all the lunatics who actually read the 800 number shown on every package of fireworks produced by Blamtech, known by the employees as "The 14th level of Hell."

The elevator door opened and there it was in all its horrific glory. Skip had been the Site director for this branch of Blamtech for 3 years, and he had never once set foot on this floor. Now, as he beheld it for the first time, he wished that it would be the last time. Somehow he doubted his wish would come true.

The view from the elevator was one of a long corridor created by two never ending rows of cubicles. The melody of ringing phones filled the air, obscuring all the individual phone conversations. Flickering florescent bulbs provided a dim light, which made the dirty brown wallpaper all the more depressing. The carpet was a dull gray, accented with coffee stains, and offset by the piss yellow walls of the cubicles.

The doors of the elevator began to close, jarring Skip out of his daze. He stuck his arm out just in time to keep the doors from closing, and then stepped out into his new world. There he stood like a deer caught in the headlights.

Before long a tall, awkward looking man with a receding hairline and a bad mustache walked up to Skip and said, "You must be the new guy. They said you'd be late at best, and if you showed up at all you'd act like a dumbass."

Skip just looked at the man who he could have fired just for fun only yesterday, but who now had the power to fire him. "I'm Skip Harding, I'm supposed to start work here today." He managed.

"Yes, well normally when a new employee shows up 2 hours late on their first day I fire their ass, but I think it would be more fun to keep you around. For a little while at least." The man had a really stupid grin on his face. He was clearly enjoying the idea of humiliating this kid who was once high and mighty.

When Skip didn't respond the man put his hand on his shoulder and said "Nothing to say huh? Well I hope you can figure out how to talk when I put a phone in your hand. My name's Mike, and I'm your new boss. Come with me slap nuts, I'll show you your new work station."

With that the man turned and headed down the misery soaked corridor of gray and yellow. Skip followed like an obedient dog. After a short distance Mike turned to the right and started walking down a different pathway. Then he made another right hand turn, followed by a left. When they finally came to their destination Skip had no idea how to find his way out.

"Here you go Skip. This is your home for the next 6 hours. You would get a 30-minute lunch, but you were late, so I guess you've already pissed that away. Here is your phone. You press the login button, and then press 1145, and the phone will start ringing. Don't log out until it's time to leave. Any questions?" Mike asked.

"What am I supposed to say to all the callers?" Skip asked

"Just answer their questions numbnuts!" Mike yelled. "You were the God Damn site director! For fuck sake you should be able to answer all the questions better than I could!" And with that he walked away.

The swivel chair squeaked when Skip sat down. He cursed to himself as he fumbled with the headset. Once the headset was on correctly Skip pressed the login button, followed by the numbers 1145. The second his finger left the 5-button the phone began ringing. Skip pressed the button next to the blinking light and spoke "Thank you for calling Blamtech, how can I help you?"

"Yes I'm calling to report a defect in one of your products." The voice on the other end of the phone was deep, and sounded like a New Yorker with a retard accent.

"Ok, which product are you referring to?" Skip asked

"I just bought a Blamtech golden shower 3000, and it's no good. I just tried to light it, but it doesn't do anything. It's no good because I just tried to light it, and nothing happened."

"Ok…" Skip stammered.

"I think I should be given a refund, because it's not good, I just tried to light it, and I made a special trip out just to buy it, and it's no good, it doesn't do anything. Gas is expensive you know, and I think I should be compensated for my time."

"When did you buy it sir?" Skip interrupted the rambling wonder.

"I made a special trip, just to buy the golden shower, because I had read in consumer reports that it was good, but it was no good. I just bought it, and I took it back to the store, and they wouldn't give me a refund. I just think that I should be given a refund, and maybe a gift certificate, because I made a special trip out just to buy it, and it didn't work, and I think that when you buy something it should work."

"Why wouldn't the store give you a refund?" Skip interrupted again.

"They said that it was good, but it was no good. I just lit it, and nothing happened. And they said that they couldn't take it back because it was used, but I told them that it was no good, but they wouldn't listen to me. I told them that it wasn't used, because I tried to use it, but it didn't do what it was supposed to do, so that means it wasn't really used."

"So what exactly did it do when you lit it?" Skip interrupted yet again, grinding his teeth with frustration.

"I lit it and a bunch of sparks came out, and it nearly set my bathroom on fire. I think you might want to recall this product, because it's no good, and it's dangerous. It nearly burned my bathroom down."

Cutting him off Skip said, "Wait why were you lighting it in your bathroom? Sir you should only use that outside."

"Outside?" The man shouted. "Are you crazy? Do you want me to get arrested? Who goes outside to get a golden shower? Do you want me to get arrested?"

Skip just hung up. He was a total loss for words.

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